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Getting Ready for Surgery

Tomorrow, Lilly is going in for surgery.  It's not a complete udder amputation, rather the vet is going to remove the abscess and hope it's self-contained and not deep into her mammary tissue.  It's our last try to get her healthy again.

I turned her loose in the yard today, and watched her munch on grass.  She's getting weaker.  She would only spend a few minutes before heading off to find a comfy place to lay.  

Tonight, I took down the hay feeders and raked out all the straw from the goat house.  No food after midnight.  I dumped the water pail too.  There's no way to get rid of all the grass growing in the pen, though.

After discussing with my husband, we thought it would be less stressful on her to leave her in the pen for tonight.  But I'll be up before the sun to put her (kicking and screaming) into a crate.  Once the sun rises, she'd likely head for the grass for a bit of breakfast.  Lilly won't be pleased with me.

Best case scenario, they will be able to remove the infected tissue, she'll heal, and we'll have a happy goat again.  Worst case(s): she'll re-abscess after surgery or she won't make it off the operating table.  As hard as those are, I feel like I can accept them.

The circumstance I am dreading is if the doctor calls to tell us the abscess is infecting the mammary gland -- and what do we want him to do?  It's complex to remove the mammary gland, and an option we can't afford.  But telling him not to do it is basically letting Lilly go.

I don't want to be the one to make that decision.  

I already feel guilty about her being sick.  I should have caught it earlier.  (Would it have even made a difference if I had?)  I don't know.  It all feels so uncertain.

I'm trying hard to give it to God.  But it's tough.  I'm a control-freak.  God may have to wrestle the job from my grasp.  

I must accept the fact that, no matter what happens, Lilly will be in good hands.

By this time tomorrow, we'll know. 



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