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As Told By Lilly...

Lilly wanted to set the record straight about her recent experience.  As her official secretary/PR rep/servant, I transcribed the following.  (Lilly also asked me to warn you about a graphic photo or two of her recent work that has been done.)

"I hear someone (a lady who shall remain nameless) has been spreading awful rumors about my impending demise.  I'll have you know I am alive and quite well.

As for my whereabouts the last few days, I spent them having some work done at a terrific medial spa.  You see, I just turned five and was feeling a bit past my prime.  Especially since a young piece of 3-year-old eye candy moved in next door.

Isn't he handsome?  Truly, he makes my heart go pitter-patter!  I had plans of spending the next few years canoodling with Rocky, taking long walks in the weeds, reliving my youth with this handsome young buck.

But then, I heard whispers that the lady was planning a new family for me.  Children?!?  Again?!?

I don't think so.  I've already raised my kids.  Those days are long behind me.  I had to do something to change the lady's mind.

So I did what any self-respecting girl would do.  I went and had my udder done.  There, I've said it.  Don't judge.

All the most fashionable goats are having their udders done.  The more streamlined, one-teat-look is in right now.  Two teats is soooo 2010.

The surgeon, Dr. Burnett at Jules Veterinary Center, is the best in the business.  (Actually, this was his first on a goat but he did brilliantly, don't you think?)

It will hardly leave a scar.  I'm so pleased.  I especially like how the teat is now perfectly centered in the middle of my backside.  I had to make that a special request, and it cost a good deal more, but it was worth it, don't you think?  (Besides, it's not like it's my money!)

Since I was there, I went whole hog and got the waxing done too.  I deserved it.

Everyone is so impressed.  The lady loves it so much she can't stop taking pictures of it.  I feel like a celebrity.

Quit it, lady.

Hazel is still sporting last-year's udder.  (And her teats are just tiny.  Her udder could never hold a candle to mine.)  She could stand for a waxing, too.

Don't you wish you could have a stylish, one-teat-udder in the middle of your belly, Hazel?

Hazel says: Yes, I do.

Because the boys LOVE it so much.

Oh yeah, baby!  Woo woo!  You know I'm an udder man.

Yeah, I'm so totally gorgeous.  Best money the lady ever spent."

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